Extreme Makeover: Alice Edition
by Kuramastrass
Summary: Now that she's a vampire and a little more durable, Alice decides to give Bella the makeover of her life... er, afterlife. And you know Alice – everything is extreme with her, especially when it comes to clothes, makeup, jewelry, and Bella!


**This was just a really dumb little idea I came up with. I don't even know how I got it in the first place anymore...**

**I don't own Twilight.**

**So, yeah. I hope you enjoy "Extreme Makeover: Alice Edition"! As of right now, it is a one-shot, but I might add a few more chapters (Alice going fashion-ninja on Rosalie, Nessie, Edward, etc.) so if you have a request, review!**

"Get away from me with that sledgehammer, Alice."

"Oh, come on, Bella. I promise it won't hurt even a tiny little bit."

"I never thought that I'd see the day that I was willing to take a bet against you, Alice, but that day has arrived."

She laughed. "That's what you said about your wedding, too."

"Well, you're not going to guilt me into letting you pierce my ears with a nail and a sledgehammer!"

She frowned, as if she'd finally accepted that fact. No doubt she didn't like accepting it. "This was more fun when you were human. You couldn't fight with me."

"That was why I wanted to be a vampire so much," I answered. "So you couldn't force me to be your personal Barbie."

She called for Jasper.

"Yes, Alice?" he asked when he walked in.

She smiled and put a hand up on his cheek. In her most innocent voice, she asked, "Can you please calm Bella down? I only want to pierce her ears."

I felt myself instantly become calm. No, not just calm – uncaring. I sighed as I let Alice pull me over to her couch and laid down.

"Jasper, I hate you."

He chuckled. "You don't mean that."

I sighed again, and then screamed as Alice sent the nail twice through each of my ears with the sledgehammer. Jasper might be able to control my emotions, but he couldn't control my pain or my reactions to it.

After piercing me, she stuck an earring in each hole. "You'll have to keep them in for thirty days, or I'll have to do it again." She turned to Jasper. "Thank you. But stay nearby in case I need you again. Oh, and get Emmett," she added as an afterthought. "I don't want her trying to escape."

I sighed for the third time. There went my plan.

Jasper left, and Alice returned her attention to me. "Now sit. There." She pointed to the single chair in the middle of the room.

I glanced at her warily, and then sat.

She got behind me and started combing through and separating my hair. "No layers?" Her voice was disapproving.

"No."

She left and came back with a pair of scissors. "You need a new haircut, anyway."

"Alice!" I screamed. "What are you _doing_? My hair won't grow back!"

"Calm down, Bella." I imagined she was rolling her eyes from the tone. "I'm a licensed beautician. It'll be cute, trust me."

I huffed and sat back in the chair, knowing it'd do no good to argue with her. "When I hate my haircut, I'm going to strangle you, Alice."

"And when you love it, you're going to thank me for the next hundred years." She finished cutting my hair in a flash and left again. She came back with a pile of clothes.

"Can't I see my haircut?"

"Nope. Not until I'm completely done with you." She tossed me the pile of clothes. "Get undressed and put those on."

As I dressed, I noticed the clothes were all blue. "I see a theme here."

"You know it's his favorite color on you."

She'd given me three pieces of clothing. The first was a deep blue thong. The second was a shirt the same color as the thong. It had a built-in bra, spaghetti straps, and exposed my midriff. The shorts she'd chosen were incredibly short. They were a lighter blue, almost jean-colored, and the bottom edges were fringy. They were comfortable, though.

"_Now_ can I–"

"We're almost done. Promise." She threw a necklace around my neck. The cord was a material like nylon and it held a sapphire stone. Then she pulled my hair back in a ponytail.

She told me to sit down on her couch. She vanished and reappeared with a bottle of nail polish and a pair of black flip-flops.

"Now, don't move I'm going to screw this up," she warned me. Then she took the cap off, and before I could blink, my nails were painted bright blood-red. Alice was very good at that – I didn't see or feel the brush on my nails, even with my vampire senses.

Then she slipped the flip-flops on my feet and stood up. She motioned for me to stand as well. "Rose. Come here. I want to know what you think of her."

Rosalie came into the room and looked me over. She frowned.

"What?" I asked, worried.

She ignored me and turned to Alice. "Am I next?"

Alice smiled. "At least _someone _around here appreciates me."

I stuck my tongue out at her.

"But maybe some makeup?" Rosalie suggested.

_"Makeup!"_ Alice wailed. "I can't believe I forgot _makeup_!" She darted out of the room.

"Blue and a little gold?"

"Perfect." Alice appeared again, smiling and holding a box. "Close your eyes, Bella."

I complied. Like with the nail polish, I hardly felt the makeup being applied. The touch was so light and brief.

"Lipstick?"

I opened my eyes to see my blonde sister nod once. Alice applied the lipstick to my lips. Then they both looked at me and nodded.

"Try to dry her nails. They'll be here soon." My pixie-sister flitted out of the room again.

Rose picked up a hairdryer and started drying my nails.

Alice came back in holding a full-length mirror. "Ta-da!"

I took a look at myself. I couldn't tell her that I looked bad; it just wasn't true. I looked like some kind of goddess. I even liked my haircut that I'd put up such a fit about. She'd given me bangs. My lips were shaded lavender; my eyeshadow was mostly blue with a little gold, as Rosalie'd suggested. My top earrings were the same shade of blue as my necklace; the bottom pair was the same honey-gold as my eyes.

But I frowned, so she'd know that I didn't appreciate the torture I'd gone through to get here.

Alice squealed and clapped her hands in delight. "You _love_ it!"

"I didn't say that."

"But you _do_!" she sang. Then she grabbed my wrist and dragged me downstairs. Rose followed behind us. "They're going to _be_ here soon!"

When we got downstairs, she shoved me into a closet. Her eyes narrowed dangerously as she warned me, "Smudge anything and you'll be sorry." Then she shut me in.

Three minutes later, I heard them come in. The others welcomed them home. Alice called my name.

I wasn't going to come out, and she knew it. So she opened the door and dragged me out.

My husband, daughter, and best friend stared at me, utterly confused.

Jacob was the first to speak. "_Bella?_ Is that _you_?"

Great. They didn't recognize me. _Thanks, Alice._

Renesmee patted her hand against Edward's neck. He didn't move or respond to her in any way, so she ran over to Alice and patted her neck.

"Yep. That's her."

After five minutes – five long minutes of Edward being non-responsive – I finally spoke. "Edward? Are you okay?"

He blinked several times, my voice jerking him back from wherever he'd been. "I'm fine. Why?"

I lifted my mental shield for a minute so he could see what his face had looked like.

He laughed, then told me, "I saw that look on your face a lot when you were human." Then he smiled and me and took my hand. "Come on," he whispered, jerking his head in the direction of our little cottage.

We were there in the blink of an eye. He took me directly to our bedroom – not that we actually used it for sleeping, but anyway – and I before I was sure what had happened, I found myself pinned up against a wall.

"You know, it isn't really fair of either of you, to tempt me this way," he whispered into my ear.

Then he kissed me.

I couldn't have stopped him even if I wanted to. (Good thing I didn't want to.) But while Edward and I still loved each other so much it was just _unbelievable_, our sex drive had finally died down. That disappointed me a little; we hadn't even gotten to the ten years I'd predicted we get to so easily.

But that night was amazing.

I made a mental note to thank Alice. She had been right, again.

Even though I hadn't enjoyed the whole process of my makeover, the end result made it all worth it.

- Kuramastrass -


End file.
